Getting your life into context

Judi: So it's really about getting life into context. And then, once you've looked at all of that stuff, you can look at some nice little short-term hits. But I think people have too high an expectation -they do the aromatherapy and they do the massage and they go down that route, but then they find that 10 minutes later they've got stressed again. Those will only work if you also take time out and take an overview. Just look at what's important, look sometimes at the good things in life, you know?

Glen: It's being able to recognise that you need to take a step back and analyse, isn't it really?

Judi: We should all do it, whether you feel that you're stressed or not. I feel it's very important for all of us to get our lives into context. One of the other things that you can then look at - and this is also something that most of us lose touch with - is, 'What really motivates me? What do I really enjoy doing in life? What do I really get a buzz out of?'

Judi: And a lot of people I find, with workplace stress, they're doing jobs that they're very good at, they're doing jobs that they're very successful at and they get paid often shed loads of money, but it's not compatible with their core motivational values. Now there's nothing wrong with that, we can do it. But it's deeply important to also make sure that you get those motivational values sated in another part of your life.

Judi: For instance, I work with people, perhaps in services where they're supposed to be helping people - work for the council and things - and a lot of people have said, 'I wanted to give something back. I've worked in an office all my life. I wanted to work with people and help people.' They then find that they're not helping people; they're just taking a load of criticism from people - you know, when's my roof going to be fixed. They're being told they can only spend four minutes on each phone call. So that isn't being sated, and they get very stressed because of that. So, you know, it's this square peg in a round hole syndrome. And we need to look at that, as well.

Glen: I think, as you mentioned, probably a record number of people now suffer stress. You've only got to walk down the high street to see people. A few years ago people would smile, they'd have time to say hello to you. You walk down a high street now, everybody looks so aggressive, so angry, so 'get out of my way, I want to get on the train, I've got to get home'. Is that all stress, do you think?

Judi: It is to a certain extent. It's got to do with survival. I mean, I live in London - walk down the street and smile in London and you're asking for trouble!

Glen: Yes, but that shouldn't be the case, surely, should it?

Judi: No. I do have to say though, when I travel outside of London, you walk down a country street and somebody says hello, you sort of clutch your bag and think, 'What's wrong with you?'

Glen: You're very cautious! What do they want?

Judi: But after a few weeks actually they're quite friendly and, you're right, it makes you feel more supported in terms of relationships. You won't get that in London or the big cities.

Glen: Big cities it doesn't happen, I know.

Judi: It's not going to happen. And I think it's important to realise when people are doing that body language - I call it the 'tight knitting face', you know, they're knotted up - they're possibly not stressed; we do it because we don't want to connect with strangers and we're too close to them. So it's not always the worst thing. But do remember that those small relationship moments are important. I mean, I walk in and buy my paper, a little bit of banter with the guy in the newsagents - and you feel all's well with the world after that.

Glen: So just to sum up: it's knowing that you've got stress, recognising the symptoms and knowing how to deal with it?

Judi: Yes. I know that sounds simple and it's not, but those are the three major steps and the only way to deal with your own stress.

Glen: And medication, doctors - do you go to the doctor and say, 'Doctor, I've got stress?' He'll only presumably send you off and say, well, take a holiday!

Judi: Yes - and then you go. Wouldn't I love to! Of course, go to the doctor if the symptoms are getting in any way severe. But the more you can manage them yourself, the more you will feel that you are in control. And, as I say, the two key words are perception and control. But obviously don't dismiss going to the doctor, because they can help.

Glen: Judi, thanks very much. Fascinating conversation. I'm just going to go and chill out now for the next hour or so!